Positive Consequences of Marital Conflicts

The absence of occasional fights and resolutions can devitalize a marriage. Partners, who refuse to accept conflicts, as a part of marriage, would miss opportunities to creatively interact, challenge and change each other. Couples who claim that they do not have issues to resolve are either pretending or they are emotionally far from each other.


Conflict usually presents couple with the following opportunities:

  1. It helps each partner to understand what the other feels is important.
  2. It helps to establish facts and clarify issues, which in turn can contribute to feelings of trust, security, and intimacy.
  3. It can lead to a confrontation that can generate better ideas and credible alternatives, which can revitalize and bring growth to the marriage.
  4. It can enhance the skills of communication and collaboration between couples. When a couple devote themselves to resolving conflict they would acquire profitable skills. Constructive management of conflict contributes to personal growth.
  5. It can help spouses to identify and implement mutually acceptable behavior or to even agree on the differences between them.
  6. It can bring a sense of respect to both partners. Husbands and wives who joyfully stay and grow together when couples are falling apart are usually respected.


The point we are making here is that marital conflict is a necessary challenge to be met rather than a problem to be avoided. Conflict is the result of growing closer together and the price you pay for deepening intimacy. Rather than regarding conflict as a crisis we should view it as an opportunity for growth. Resolved conflicts usually strengthen individuals and their relationships.


Excerpt from Conflict Transformation in Marriage by Jerry Akinsola